OUR Etiquette

Lauren has done a wonderful job noveling about wedding etiquette. (She LIVES for these topics) And now I would love to talk a little bit about the things that we find appropriate.

1) Toothpicks. First of all, this is such a vulgar name. It explains exactly what you are doing and frankly, it is disgusting. You should pick your teeth in a powder room or in the privacy of your own home. Not one person in this whole world (including your significant other) needs to see you picking your teeth. (This includes flossing) It is DISGUSTING and only you should see this. If you do have something in your teeth, it is very important to get rid of it, however, it needs to be done in private, not in the middle of a dinner party or in the bathroom while your significant other brushes their teeth. (This may be the thing that is causing them to gag.) Enough said.

2) Ladies please. Please please please DO NOT chow down on a cheeseburger while driving in your car. (This is one of the 11 commandments. Yes there are 11 commandments, not 10.) I can't think of anything more repulsive than a beautiful woman whom is dressed perfectly chowing down a cheeseburger at a red light. If you are starving, please eat the almonds you keep in your purse as an emergency snack (or if you must have a cheeseburger, please wait until you get home to pig out) This is so unattractive. If you choose to chow down a cheeseburger in your car, God will curse you. He will MAKE you slop mayo and mustard all over your nice-ass suit. I promise. (Please remember that you are breaking one of his 11 commandments.)

3) Do not eat chips in public. They are disgusting. When you eat chips they crumble all over you, and make you look like a fat, greasy pig. So do not do it unless you are in the comfort of your own home. I wish they would make chips bite sized so you would not be forced to shove the entire fist sized chip into your mouth. It is gross, and I sincerely hope that you do not do it unless you are sitting on your couch watching reality TV.

4) Perfume is an art. DO NOT douse yourself in perfume. Applying perfume is a ritual. Please spray it only on the appropriate places of your body (Neck and wrists). Nothing is worse than walking into a room and having people have a flashback of the AVM awards. Sick. Perfume is not a cover up of the sins you committed last night. It is not a "tune up." It is a beautiful representation of everything a woman stands for.

5) Alcohol. Please ladies, contain yourself. Alcohol is a beautiful thing. Do not ruin it by doing shots by the dozen and making a total ass of yourself. Have a little class and sip feminine drinks SLOWLY. No one wants to monitor you in the restroom or clean up your puke in the back of their car. (If you see Lauren and I doing beer bongs in the back of a shady club with Kim and Rory, please do not judge us. We are not perfect.) Thanks.

6) OK. People. Star. We all read these shitty magazines. We are all fascinated by the celebrity gossip and we all certainly want to judge who wore it better for ourselves, but please, never let any one catch you reading these magazines. If you MUST read these at the gym, please glue it inside of a Vouge magazine so people think you have a stitch of class. These magazines are a joke and NO ONE needs to know you read them. It is just degrading and embarrassing.

That is all I have for tonight. I'm off to sleep.

xoxox
Allyson Stagg
CEO of The Las Vegas Style Sirens
LVStyleSirens@yahoo.com